Friday 8 June 2012
CORRUPT AGE!!
Girlz to Boyz
1970's : Love me, but don't touch me.
1980's : Touch me, but don't kiss me.
1990's : Kiss me, but don't do anything
more.
2000's : Do anything, but don't tell
anyone.
Since 2011 : Do everything, otherwise
I will tell everyone that you can't do
anything..
1970's : Love me, but don't touch me.
1980's : Touch me, but don't kiss me.
1990's : Kiss me, but don't do anything
more.
2000's : Do anything, but don't tell
anyone.
Since 2011 : Do everything, otherwise
I will tell everyone that you can't do
anything..
TOUCHING LIFE STORY!! PAID IN FULL!!
A young man was getting ready for graduate college. For
many months he had admired a
beautiful sports car in a dealer's
showroom, and knowing his father
could well afford it, he told
him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the
young man awaited
signs that his father had purchased
the car. Finally, on the
morning of his graduation his father
called him into his private
study. His father told him how proud
he was to have such a fine
son, and told him how much he loved
him. He handed his son
a beautiful wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed
the young man
opened the box and found a lovely,
leather-bound Bible. Angrily,
he raised his voice at his father and
said, "With all your money you
give me a Bible?" and stormed out of
the house, leaving the holy
book.
Many years passed and the young
man was very successful in
business.
He had a beautiful home and
wonderful family, but realized his
father was very old, and thought
perhaps he should go to him. He
had not seen him since that
graduation day. Before he could make
arrangements, he received a telegram
telling him his father had
passed away, and willed all of his
possessions to his son. He
needed to come home immediately
and take care things.
When he arrived at his father's house,
sudden sadness and
regret filled his heart.
He began to search his father's
important papers and
saw the still new Bible, just as he had
left it years ago. With
tears, he opened the Bible and began
to turn the pages. As he
read those words, a car key dropped
from an envelope
taped behind the Bible.
It had a tag with the dealer's name,
the same dealer who had the
sports car he had desired. On the tag
was the date of his graduation,
and the words...PAID IN FULL.
How many times do we miss God's
blessings because they are not
packaged as we expected?
ANSWERS FOR STUPID QUESTIONS
Answers for stupid questions:
1. Some1 cals u at 2 a.m in the
night and ask u "are u sleeping?"
Ans :no,I'm picking beans..
... 2. When its raining and som1
... notices u going out yet they ask;
are u going out in this rain??
Ans: no in the next one
3. You're making out with your
girlfriend then u start pulling her
pants den she asks; what are u
trying to do??
Ans: i want to wash them 4 u
4 They see u coming out of the
bathroom, wet; did u just have a
bath?
Ans: no, i fell into the toilet bowl
5. You standing right in frontof
the elevator on the ground floor
going 2ur office,yet they ask;
going up??
Ans: no, i'm waiting for my
office to come down and get me!
6. Your boyfriend comes home
with a bunch of flowers and u
still ask him; are those flowers?
Ans: no baby, they're carrots!
7. You're in the toilet nd u locked
the door,som1 knocks on the
door asking; is any1 there? Ans:
No! na shit lock the
door...mts cheew!!
8. You're in the queue at the
cinema to buy tickets, a frnd sees
u and asks; what are you doing
here?
Ans: i'm here to pay my school
fees!... Mumu
9. When pple see you lying down
with your eyes closed, they still
ask; are you sleeping??
Ans:No!
I'm practising to die!!
1. Some1 cals u at 2 a.m in the
night and ask u "are u sleeping?"
Ans :no,I'm picking beans..
... 2. When its raining and som1
... notices u going out yet they ask;
are u going out in this rain??
Ans: no in the next one
3. You're making out with your
girlfriend then u start pulling her
pants den she asks; what are u
trying to do??
Ans: i want to wash them 4 u
4 They see u coming out of the
bathroom, wet; did u just have a
bath?
Ans: no, i fell into the toilet bowl
5. You standing right in frontof
the elevator on the ground floor
going 2ur office,yet they ask;
going up??
Ans: no, i'm waiting for my
office to come down and get me!
6. Your boyfriend comes home
with a bunch of flowers and u
still ask him; are those flowers?
Ans: no baby, they're carrots!
7. You're in the toilet nd u locked
the door,som1 knocks on the
door asking; is any1 there? Ans:
No! na shit lock the
door...mts cheew!!
8. You're in the queue at the
cinema to buy tickets, a frnd sees
u and asks; what are you doing
here?
Ans: i'm here to pay my school
fees!... Mumu
9. When pple see you lying down
with your eyes closed, they still
ask; are you sleeping??
Ans:No!
I'm practising to die!!
You say, God Says!!
His ways are not our ways... When we say, God says his.. His is d best for us.. Believe it or not cos i am a a living witness. Have a blessed weekend!!!
HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the floors. There is, however, a catch..... You may choose any man from a particular floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4- These men have jobs, love the lord, love kids, and are pretty good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5- These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are pretty gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6- You are visitor number 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the floors. There is, however, a catch..... You may choose any man from a particular floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4- These men have jobs, love the lord, love kids, and are pretty good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5- These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are pretty gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6- You are visitor number 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!!
Thursday 7 June 2012
IMPOSSIBLE TECHNOLOGY
So impossible. what do u call ds? I'ld call it d more u look, d less u see cos u can not sit down there and still pick it up. Not with that size of *******. Is this a kind of technology or something?? say for yourself!!
Have a great balmy evening...
THE GUIDE TO WIFE TRANSLATIONS
The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want
The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want
The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later
The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain
The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to
The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron
The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.
The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.
The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!
The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.
The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!
The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.
The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.
The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.
The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]
The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No
The wife says: No
The wife means: No
The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No
The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry
The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it
The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.
The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him
The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.
The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.
The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.
The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
The wife means: You want
The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want
The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later
The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain
The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to
The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron
The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.
The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.
The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!
The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.
The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!
The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.
The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.
The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.
The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]
The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No
The wife says: No
The wife means: No
The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No
The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry
The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it
The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.
The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him
The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.
The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.
The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.
The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
Wednesday 6 June 2012
4GIVE ME WHEN I WHINE
FORGIVE ME WHEN I WHINE !
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful
woman and wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
If this poem makes you feel thankful, touch someone with it.
After all, it's just a simple reminder that we
have so much to be thankful for!
Happy new month...
Give The Gift Of Love...
It Never Comes Back Empty !!!
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful
woman and wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
If this poem makes you feel thankful, touch someone with it.
After all, it's just a simple reminder that we
have so much to be thankful for!
Happy new month...
Give The Gift Of Love...
It Never Comes Back Empty !!!
Wednesday 30 May 2012
PRANKS!!PRANK LADY: good morning Dj RADIO STATION: Good morning,wat cn i do foru LADY: Please,I'll like to get two tickets for the Nama Awards show this weekend ... RADIO STATION: Well,you'll get the tickets for free only if you play a prank on someone on air&make them belive it. LADY: That's ok Radio station: Are you married? Do you have kids? LADY: Yes,i hv gt 1 RADIO STATION: Gud,you will call your husband&tell him he is not d father of ur son. LADY: Wow,that's a big one. RADIO STATION: Well it depends on how bad you want the tickets and anyway we will be live on air listening and step into tell him it's all prank. LADY: Ok,let's do this cause I really want d tickets. RADIO: Ok,where is he right now? LADY: He's at d office. His number is...(radio station calls the husband) LADY: Helo Love! HUSBAND: Hi Baby! LADY: How is work? HUSBAND: Gud,can't wait to get back home & make sweet luv 2u. LADY: Me too! But em...dia's something I need 2 tell you. HUSBAND: Ok I'm all ears dear! LADY: swt u kno dat i luv u isn't HUSBAND: Yes I do! LADY: And we promised 2 always be sincere 2 each oda? HUSBAND: Yes we did,u're startin 2 scare me dear,pls, wat is it? LADY: Something happened in my office Nine years ago. HUSBAND: what happened? LADY: The annual xmas party we had in d office 9yrs ago I got drunk&had sex wit a co- worker...em,u are not d father of our son, HUSBAND: What! Lady: I just felt u shld know HUSBAND: Are u crazy? LADY: I'm sori luv, 4give me, I jst needed 2 getit off my chest. HUSBAND: I can't believe dis. LADY: am sori luv,pls 4giv me. HUSBAND: You want 4givnes? Ok u av to 4giv dis,I have been sleepin with ur sista for d past5yrs. Even yestaday I went home at lunch and made passionate love to your sister. RADIO STATION: Oh God! LADY: What did u just say? HUSBAND: You heard me,we just confessed our sins to each other,Is there someone dia with you? RADIO STATION: Sir,dis is Power FM & u are onair.We asked ur wife to play a prank on u so uguys can get tickets to go watch the Nama live show dis weekend. HUSBAND: Oh shit!
Tuesday 15 May 2012
Tuesday 8 May 2012
USE OF TOMATO AS A NATURAL REMEDY!!!!
Natural Home Remedies using Tomato
The tomato is truly an amazing fruit. It is known to have many health benefits such as reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, lower high blood pressure, and reducing the risk of cancer. Tomato is a good source of calcium and iron. It also contains some minerals such as phosphorus, sulphur and potassium needed in our body. As many would know, tomato is rich in Vitamin C. However, many would not know that the Vitamin C increases as the fruit ripens. Tomato also has some amounts of Vitamins A and B. Besides its health benefits and nutritional value, tomatoes are used as home remedies for minor ailments.
1) Diarrhea
If you're having diarrhea, try drinking the juice made by stirring the tomato paste from a dozen dried slices of tomato into a cup of water.
2) Bloodshot eyes
To relieve bloodshot eyes, eat 1 or 2 fresh tomatoes first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.
3) Face Peels
Tomato is excellent for purifying and rejuvenating your skin. Rub off the top layer of dead skin cells with the gentle help of tomatoes. Rub tomato slices directly onto your clean skin, focusing on areas with lots of blackheads. Tomatoes contain Vitamin C which has healing powers, and an acid which eliminates dead skin and unclogs pores, making skin soft and radiant.
4) Acne Scars
Slice up a tomato and place it on your face. Tomatoes are rich in Vitamin A that prevents overproduction of sebum that causes acne. Vitamin A also has antioxidant chracteristics that refreshes and renews scarred and damaged skin.
5) Dark circles under the eyes
Make a paste using 1 tsp tomato juice, 1/2 tsp lemon juice, a pinch of tumeric powder and a pinch of gram flour. Keep the paste under your eyes for 10 minutes. Dark circles will disappear after several treatments.
6) Sunburn
Soak peeled tomato slices in buttermilk before applying them directly on your sunburnt skin. The acidity closes up the pores and soothing agents present in tomatoes will relieve the pain.
7) Eczema
If you have a skin problem such as eczema and skin sensitivity to sunlight, try drinking tomato juice everyday. You will begin to see the difference after a few weeks.
8) Wounds and sores
Tribal medicine men often prescribed potions made from the leaves of wild tomatoes to heal wounds and sores. Take a slice of fresh tomato and place it on the wound. The infection will normally clear within 2-3 days.
9) Mouth ulcers
If you have mouth ulcers, gargle tomato juice 3-4 times a day.
10) Anemia
If you're anemic, drink a mixture of apple and tomato juice. The rich iron content in the tomato will help relieve your anemia.
11) Morning sickness
If you're suffering from morning sickness during your pregnancy, drink a glassful of fresh tomato juice, mixed with a pinch of salt and pepper early in the morning. It is considered to be an effective remedy for morning sickness.
12) Lose weight
Want to lose weight? Do you know that 100g of tomatoes contain only 20 calories? These calories are easily absorbed by the body. The low calorie content makes it a favorite of obese people and is often recommended in weight loss program as it provides you with some of the essential vitamins and minerals, fills your stomach and doesn't add calories to your body.
Tomato is also known to be able to treat other ailments such as urinary tract infection, night blindness, jaundice, liver disorders, indigestion, constipation, intestinal disorders and diabetes. It is a natural antioxidant, helping the body cleanse itself of toxic coumpounds. So, start using tomatoes as your natural home remedy for these ailments.
* We stress that you conduct your own research on these remedies, if only to corroborate or refute the data that we have posted here. Consult a trained Practitioner who will be better able to physically & spiritually guide you
The tomato is truly an amazing fruit. It is known to have many health benefits such as reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, lower high blood pressure, and reducing the risk of cancer. Tomato is a good source of calcium and iron. It also contains some minerals such as phosphorus, sulphur and potassium needed in our body. As many would know, tomato is rich in Vitamin C. However, many would not know that the Vitamin C increases as the fruit ripens. Tomato also has some amounts of Vitamins A and B. Besides its health benefits and nutritional value, tomatoes are used as home remedies for minor ailments.
1) Diarrhea
If you're having diarrhea, try drinking the juice made by stirring the tomato paste from a dozen dried slices of tomato into a cup of water.
2) Bloodshot eyes
To relieve bloodshot eyes, eat 1 or 2 fresh tomatoes first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.
3) Face Peels
Tomato is excellent for purifying and rejuvenating your skin. Rub off the top layer of dead skin cells with the gentle help of tomatoes. Rub tomato slices directly onto your clean skin, focusing on areas with lots of blackheads. Tomatoes contain Vitamin C which has healing powers, and an acid which eliminates dead skin and unclogs pores, making skin soft and radiant.
4) Acne Scars
Slice up a tomato and place it on your face. Tomatoes are rich in Vitamin A that prevents overproduction of sebum that causes acne. Vitamin A also has antioxidant chracteristics that refreshes and renews scarred and damaged skin.
5) Dark circles under the eyes
Make a paste using 1 tsp tomato juice, 1/2 tsp lemon juice, a pinch of tumeric powder and a pinch of gram flour. Keep the paste under your eyes for 10 minutes. Dark circles will disappear after several treatments.
6) Sunburn
Soak peeled tomato slices in buttermilk before applying them directly on your sunburnt skin. The acidity closes up the pores and soothing agents present in tomatoes will relieve the pain.
7) Eczema
If you have a skin problem such as eczema and skin sensitivity to sunlight, try drinking tomato juice everyday. You will begin to see the difference after a few weeks.
8) Wounds and sores
Tribal medicine men often prescribed potions made from the leaves of wild tomatoes to heal wounds and sores. Take a slice of fresh tomato and place it on the wound. The infection will normally clear within 2-3 days.
9) Mouth ulcers
If you have mouth ulcers, gargle tomato juice 3-4 times a day.
10) Anemia
If you're anemic, drink a mixture of apple and tomato juice. The rich iron content in the tomato will help relieve your anemia.
11) Morning sickness
If you're suffering from morning sickness during your pregnancy, drink a glassful of fresh tomato juice, mixed with a pinch of salt and pepper early in the morning. It is considered to be an effective remedy for morning sickness.
12) Lose weight
Want to lose weight? Do you know that 100g of tomatoes contain only 20 calories? These calories are easily absorbed by the body. The low calorie content makes it a favorite of obese people and is often recommended in weight loss program as it provides you with some of the essential vitamins and minerals, fills your stomach and doesn't add calories to your body.
Tomato is also known to be able to treat other ailments such as urinary tract infection, night blindness, jaundice, liver disorders, indigestion, constipation, intestinal disorders and diabetes. It is a natural antioxidant, helping the body cleanse itself of toxic coumpounds. So, start using tomatoes as your natural home remedy for these ailments.
* We stress that you conduct your own research on these remedies, if only to corroborate or refute the data that we have posted here. Consult a trained Practitioner who will be better able to physically & spiritually guide you
Monday 7 May 2012
SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mrs Prince was sure that Mr Prince - her husband was cheating on her and having an affair with the maid.
So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, Mr Prince gave the old story,
"excuse me my dear, my stomach aches".. And went to the bathroom.
... Mrs Prince promptly went into the maid's bed.
She switched the lights off.
When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said,
"you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?!".
And then switched on the light...
"No madam", said the gardener.
So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, Mr Prince gave the old story,
"excuse me my dear, my stomach aches".. And went to the bathroom.
... Mrs Prince promptly went into the maid's bed.
She switched the lights off.
When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said,
"you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?!".
And then switched on the light...
"No madam", said the gardener.
QUESTION!!!!!!!!!
The Lagos State Medical Doctors were on Strike.
A senior Doc was in a hurry to join his colleague in the protest while in the theatre on a patient, so he left Dr. Biggy - his male assistant in charge.
The senior doc came back & asked,
"How did u get on?"
Dr Biggy says,
... "I had 3 Patients. The 1st had a Headache so I give her Paracetamol"
"Good man" says the Senior Doc.
"The 2nd had Indigestion, so I gave her Gaviscon."
"Well done." said the senior Doc.
"The 3rd was a Young gorgeous woman who burst into d room, took off all her clothes & lay down on the table, spreads her legs and shouts,
'Please, please help me, I haven't seen a man in 5 years……...!'"
"Shiiit!!! What did you do?" asks the senior Doc.
Dr Biggy replies,
"I gave her Eyedrops !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"
A senior Doc was in a hurry to join his colleague in the protest while in the theatre on a patient, so he left Dr. Biggy - his male assistant in charge.
The senior doc came back & asked,
"How did u get on?"
Dr Biggy says,
... "I had 3 Patients. The 1st had a Headache so I give her Paracetamol"
"Good man" says the Senior Doc.
"The 2nd had Indigestion, so I gave her Gaviscon."
"Well done." said the senior Doc.
"The 3rd was a Young gorgeous woman who burst into d room, took off all her clothes & lay down on the table, spreads her legs and shouts,
'Please, please help me, I haven't seen a man in 5 years……...!'"
"Shiiit!!! What did you do?" asks the senior Doc.
Dr Biggy replies,
"I gave her Eyedrops !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"
MORE DAN ENOUGH SEXUAL SATISFACTION!!!
Mr Tobias - a farmer ordered a high tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly re...alized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallon."
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly re...alized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallon."
WHO SMART PASS?
A married lady was going into an hotel with her boyfriend when she jam her husband coming out of that hotel with his girlfriend.
On sighting the husband, the lady immediately said,
"I don catch you today, thank God I brought awitness".
The man looked at her then turned to his girlfriend and said,
"Sister Mercy you see what I've told you. If we had left earlier we won't have caught her here
On sighting the husband, the lady immediately said,
"I don catch you today, thank God I brought awitness".
The man looked at her then turned to his girlfriend and said,
"Sister Mercy you see what I've told you. If we had left earlier we won't have caught her here
Madness pass madness
A psychiatrist wanted to know how many of his patients have been cured of madness, so he assembled them in a classroom and drew a big door on the board.
He then told the class that if anyone could open the door on the board, that person would receive a gift of N20,000 and would befree to go home.
On hearing this, they all rushed to the board to open the door, except one young man whoremained in hi...s seat at the back smiling.
The psychiatrist, with joy and excitement on his face seeing that somebody has been cured of madness, went to him and asked, why didn’t u join your mates to open the door?
The young man replied, no mind those mad people, they are just fooling themselves, dem no know say the key dey my pocket…
He then told the class that if anyone could open the door on the board, that person would receive a gift of N20,000 and would befree to go home.
On hearing this, they all rushed to the board to open the door, except one young man whoremained in hi...s seat at the back smiling.
The psychiatrist, with joy and excitement on his face seeing that somebody has been cured of madness, went to him and asked, why didn’t u join your mates to open the door?
The young man replied, no mind those mad people, they are just fooling themselves, dem no know say the key dey my pocket…
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