Friday, 8 June 2012

HONESTY PAYS!!

Please just take few minutes of your
time to read this. Several years ago, a
preacher
from out-of-state accepted a
call to a church in Houston ,
Texas . Some weeks after he
arrived, he had an occasion to
board a bus from his home to
the downtown area. When he
sat down, he discovered that
the driver had accidentally given
him a quarter too much change..
As he considered what to do, he
thought to himself, 'You'd better
give the quarter back. It'd
be wrong to keep it.' Then he
thought, 'Oh, forget it, it's only
a quarter. Who would worry
about this little amount?
Anyway, the bus company gets
too much fare; they will never
miss it. Accept it as a 'gift from
God' and keep quiet.'
When his stop came, he paused
momentarily at the door, and
then he handed the quarter to
the driver and said, 'Here, you
gave me too much change ..'
The driver, with a smile, replied,
'Aren't you the new preacher in
town?'
'Yes' he replied.
'Well, I have been thinking a lot
lately about going somewhere to
worship. I just wanted to see
what you would do if I gave you
too much change. I'll see you at
church on Sunday.'
When the preacher stepped off
of the bus, he literally grabbed
the nearest light pole, held on,
and said, 'Oh God, I almost sold
your Son for a quarter.'
Our lives are the only Bible some
people will ever read. This is a
really scary example of how
much people watch us as
Christians, and will put us to the
test! Always be on guard -- and
remember -- You carry the
name of Christ on your
shoulders when you call yourself
'Christian.'
Watch your thoughts ; they
become words.
Watch your words; they become
actions.
Watch your actions; they
become habits..
Watch your habits; they become
character.
Watch your character; it
becomes your destiny.
God bless US!!.

LITTLE JOKE TO CALM UR NERVES!!

A beautiful
and well groomed girl once informed
her dad that her boyfriend would like
to come see him for her hand! On the
said day, the guy arrived home
chewing gum! The dad was enraged
and challenged him "Isn't it a sign of
disrespect?" He fumed, "no daddy, it's
just that I drank a bit," the guy
replied! "So you drink also?" The
father queried? "Yes when I go
clubbing!" He said! "So you club also?
How long have you been clubbing?"
The distraught father asked, "since I
came out of prison," he replied
quietly! "So you were once in prison?"
the worried father asked "why were
you in prison?" He added, "Since I
killed someone," the guy replied,
"Why did you kill someone," the
father asked. And the guy said
"because he didn't want me to marry
his daughter".And the father said:
"You have my blessing good boy!!!!

FAKE FRIENDS V. REAL FRIENDS!!!

FAKE FRIENDS - Never ask for
food...
REAL FRIENDS - Are the reason
you have NO food
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents
Mr / Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents
DAD/MOM
FAKE FRIENDS - Never seen you
cry
... ... REAL FRIENDS - Cry withyou
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff
for afew days then give it back
REAL FRIENDS: keep your stuff
so longthey forget it's yours
FAKE FRIENDS - Know a few
things about you...
REAL FRIENDS - Could write a
book about you
FAKE FRIENDS - Would knock on
your front door...
REAL FRIENDS - Walk right in
and say"I'm home"
FAKE FRIENDS - Will help you up
whenyou fall over...
REAL FRIENDS - Will jump on top
of you and shout "pile on"
FAKE FRIENDS - Are around for
awhile...
REAL FRIENDS - Are for life
FAKE FRIENDS: say "love ya" in a
joking manner
REAL FRIENDS: say "I love you"
and they mean it
FAKE FRIENDS: will write a small
comment like " nice :p"
REAL FRIENDS: will write a very
big comment that you are going to
have headache..

CORRUPT AGE!!

Girlz to Boyz

1970's : Love me, but don't touch me.
1980's : Touch me, but don't kiss me.
1990's : Kiss me, but don't do anything
more.
2000's : Do anything, but don't tell
anyone.
Since 2011 : Do everything, otherwise
I will tell everyone that you can't do
anything..

LMFAO!!! SO SO FUNNY!!

Once an old man was
waiting for a train
sitting on a bench. A
young boy came to him
and asked the time. Old
man refused to tell the
time. Boy insisted again
& again but old man
denied again & again.
Boy asked the reason?
Old man said "if I tell you
the time, then you will
ask about me, my
name, job etc. Then I
will ask about yours,
both of us will become
friends. By chance you
may get the seat with
me. Then you may get
down at my station. My
daughter will come to
receive me. She will
meet you. She is
beautiful. You may fall in
love with her, she too.
Then she may insist to
marry u, even may
threaten me. And I am
sorry that I don’t want
such a poor son in law
who hasn't his own
watch to see the time".
Shikena!!!!

TOUCHING LIFE STORY!! PAID IN FULL!!


A young man was getting ready for graduate college. For
many months he had admired a
beautiful sports car in a dealer's
showroom, and knowing his father
could well afford it, he told
him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the
young man awaited
signs that his father had purchased
the car. Finally, on the
morning of his graduation his father
called him into his private
study. His father told him how proud
he was to have such a fine
son, and told him how much he loved
him. He handed his son
a beautiful wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed
the young man
opened the box and found a lovely,
leather-bound Bible. Angrily,
he raised his voice at his father and
said, "With all your money you
give me a Bible?" and stormed out of
the house, leaving the holy
book.
Many years passed and the young
man was very successful in
business.
He had a beautiful home and
wonderful family, but realized his
father was very old, and thought
perhaps he should go to him. He
had not seen him since that
graduation day. Before he could make
arrangements, he received a telegram
telling him his father had
passed away, and willed all of his
possessions to his son. He
needed to come home immediately
and take care things.
When he arrived at his father's house,
sudden sadness and
regret filled his heart.
He began to search his father's
important papers and
saw the still new Bible, just as he had
left it years ago. With
tears, he opened the Bible and began
to turn the pages. As he
read those words, a car key dropped
from an envelope
taped behind the Bible.
It had a tag with the dealer's name,
the same dealer who had the
sports car he had desired. On the tag
was the date of his graduation,
and the words...PAID IN FULL.


How many times do we miss God's
blessings because they are not
packaged as we expected?

ANSWERS FOR STUPID QUESTIONS

Answers for stupid questions:
1. Some1 cals u at 2 a.m in the
night and ask u "are u sleeping?"
Ans :no,I'm picking beans..
... 2. When its raining and som1
... notices u going out yet they ask;
are u going out in this rain??
Ans: no in the next one
3. You're making out with your
girlfriend then u start pulling her
pants den she asks; what are u
trying to do??
Ans: i want to wash them 4 u
4 They see u coming out of the
bathroom, wet; did u just have a
bath?
Ans: no, i fell into the toilet bowl
5. You standing right in frontof
the elevator on the ground floor
going 2ur office,yet they ask;
going up??
Ans: no, i'm waiting for my
office to come down and get me!
6. Your boyfriend comes home
with a bunch of flowers and u
still ask him; are those flowers?
Ans: no baby, they're carrots!
7. You're in the toilet nd u locked
the door,som1 knocks on the
door asking; is any1 there? Ans:
No! na shit lock the
door...mts cheew!!
8. You're in the queue at the
cinema to buy tickets, a frnd sees
u and asks; what are you doing
here?
Ans: i'm here to pay my school
fees!... Mumu
9. When pple see you lying down
with your eyes closed, they still
ask; are you sleeping??
Ans:No!
I'm practising to die!!

You say, God Says!!


His ways are not our ways... When we say, God says his.. His is d best for us.. Believe it or not cos i am a a living witness. Have a blessed weekend!!!

HUSBAND STORE

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the floors. There is, however, a catch..... You may choose any man from a particular floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4- These men have jobs, love the lord, love kids, and are pretty good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5- These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are pretty gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6- You are visitor number 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!!

Thursday, 7 June 2012

IMPOSSIBLE TECHNOLOGY


So impossible. what do u call ds? I'ld call it d more u look, d less u see cos u can not sit down there and still pick it up. Not with that size of *******. Is this a kind of technology or something??  say for yourself!!

Have a great balmy evening...

THE GUIDE TO WIFE TRANSLATIONS

The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.

Woman = Problems...


Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Nigerian Observer Online Edition

Nigerian Observer Online Edition

Bikini Photos - Kim Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian Bikini in Mexico - 3 - Celebuzz

Bikini Photos - Kim Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian Bikini in Mexico - 3 - Celebuzz

So true

Channels Television - Nigeria's Award Winning Television Station

4GIVE ME WHEN I WHINE

FORGIVE ME WHEN I WHINE !
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful
woman and wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
If this poem makes you feel thankful, touch someone with it.
After all, it's just a simple reminder that we
have so much to be thankful for!
Happy new month...
Give The Gift Of Love...
It Never Comes Back Empty !!!

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

WHICH OF THESE ARE YOU??

NOW LET'S BE TOTALLY HONEST
(Which of these are you?)
DIFFERENT LEVELS OF FART
The Vain Person
One who loves the smell of his own farts.
The Amiable Person
One who loves the smell of other people's farts.
The Proud Person
One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.
The Shy Person
One who releases silent farts then blushes.
The Imprudent Person
One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.
The Unfortunate Person
One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead.
The Scientific Person
One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.
The Nervous Person
One who stops in the middle of a fart.
The Honest Person
One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.
The Dishonest Person
One who farts but blames the dog.
The Foolish Person
One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.
The Thrifty Person
One who always has several farts in reserve.
The Anti-Social Person
One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.
The Strategic Person
One who conceals his farts with loud coughing.
The Sadistic Person
One who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.
The Intelligent Person
One who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart, precisely the latest food itemsconsumed.

STOCK MARKET!!

Once upon a time in a village, a man appearedand announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10. The villagers seeing thatthere were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped theireffort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts o...f the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back totheir farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $100! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $75 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for $100 ." The villagers squeezedup with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!

AFRICANS!!

WHY AFRICANS ARE ALWAYS
TIRED… by the way its not
laziness, here is the reason;
….. ………………
For a couple of years many
Africans have been blaming
it on lack of sleep, too much
pressure from job, poor
blood circulation, but now
the real reason has been found: We’re tired because we’re
overworked. Here’s why:
The population of Africa is
one billion:
400 million are retired. That
leaves 600 million. There are 200 million in
school, which leaves 400
million to do the work. Of this, there are 100 million
employed by the
government, leaving 300
million to do the work. 50 Million are in the armed
forces & related jobs; which
leaves 250 million to do the
work. Take from the total the 150
million people unemployed.
And that leaves 100 million
to do the work. At any given time there are
50 Million people in
hospitals. Leaving 50 Million
to do the work. There are 20 Million people
in prisons. Leaving 30
million to do the work. 1 Million are Chiefs, Kings,
Queens, Presidents,
Ministers,pasto rs, Voodoo
or Juju Masters, leaving 29
Million to do the
work. Now, 28,999,998 Africans
are out of Africa . In
Europe, USA , Asia etc. That
leaves just 2
people to do all the work.
THESE TWO PEOPLE ARE You
and me…
………but you’re sitting
there on your chair, at your
computer Or 4n, reading these
useless facts instead of working…..……. That leaves one person,
ONLY ME, to do all the
work…. WILL YOU PLEASE CLOSE THIS
WINDOW OR LIV YO 4N AND GET BACK TO
WORK !!!!!!!!

MIND UR LANGUAGE!!

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an
American and a French, who found this small genie
bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him outof the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming
pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run
towards the pool and jump, you must shout what
you want the pool of water to become, and then
your wish will
come true." The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool,
jumped and shouted "Wine".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happy swimming and
drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "Vodka" and immersed himself
into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted,
"Beer". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the
pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
"Shit!!!!!!!... . .."

BRILLIANT!!

Aunty Susan was having a
problem with Fego in her class.
Fego said 'M'am, I should be in
SS3, Ï'm smarter than my
sister & she's in the SS3'.
Aunty Susan had heard
enough of Fego's complains &
took him to the Principal's
office.
She explained everything to
the Principal who decided 2
test Fego with some questions
that an SS3 Student should
know.
PRINCIPAL : What's 3+3?
FEGO : 6
PRINCIPAL : 6+6?
FEGO : 12 & so on..
The Principal asked Fego
many questions and he got
them right. The Principal then
asked Aunty Susan to send
Fego to SS3.
She decided to ask some more
questions & the Principal
agreed.
AUNTY SUSAN : What does a
cow have 4 of,that Ï've only 2
of?
FEGO : Legs!
AUNTY SUSAN : What's in ur
pants that u have but I dont
have?
FEGO : Pockets!
AUNTY SUSAN : What starts
with a C & ends with T, is hairy,
oval, delicious & contains thin
whitish liquid?
FEGO : Coconut!
AUNTY SUSAN : What goes in
hard & pink then comes out
soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes open
really wide,but b4 he could
stop the answer, Fego was
taking charge.
FEGO: Bubble Gum
AUNTY SUSAN : You stick ur
poles inside me. U tie me
down 2 get me up, I get wet
b4 u do. What am I?
FEGO : Tent!
The principal was looking
restless.
AUNTY SUSAN : A finger goes
in me. You fiddle with me
when u're bored. The best
man always has me what am
I?
FEGO : Wedding Ring
AUNTY SUSAN : I come in
many sizes. When Ï'm not
well, I drip. When u blow me,u
feel good?
FEGO : Nose
AUNTY SUSAN : I've a stiff
shaft. My tip penetrates,I
come with a quiver!
FEGO : Arrow!
AUNTY SUSAN : What starts wit
'F' & ends with a 'K' & if u dont
get it, u've 2 use ur hand?
FEGO :Fork!
AUNTY SUSAN : Whats it that
all men have,It's longer in
some men than others,the
Pope doesn't use his & a man
gives it 2 his wife after
marriage?
FEGO : Surname
AUNTY SUSAN : What part of
the man has no bone,But has
muscles with a lot of veins like
pumpin & is responsible 4
making love?
FEGO : Heart!
The principal breathed a sigh
of relief and told AUNTY
SUSAN : 'Send the boy to the
University, I got the last 10
questions wrong myself!..

MARRIAGE TYPE!!

Three couples marry and
stay at the same hotel for their
honeymoons, where they are taken care
of by Prof the bellboy.
The first man married a nurse.Prof thinks to
himself, "Nurses are known to be hot."
The second man married a telephone operator.
Prof thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have
sexy voices."
The third man married a school teacher. Prof
thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
The next morning, Prof reports to work and gets
a room service call from the nurse's husband. He
sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard
last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not
sanitary.'"
Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and
sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone
operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three
minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"
Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls
and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to
marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was
'We are going to do this over and over until we
get it right.'"

PRANKS!!PRANK LADY: good morning Dj RADIO STATION: Good morning,wat cn i do foru LADY: Please,I'll like to get two tickets for the Nama Awards show this weekend ... RADIO STATION: Well,you'll get the tickets for free only if you play a prank on someone on air&make them belive it. LADY: That's ok Radio station: Are you married? Do you have kids? LADY: Yes,i hv gt 1 RADIO STATION: Gud,you will call your husband&tell him he is not d father of ur son. LADY: Wow,that's a big one. RADIO STATION: Well it depends on how bad you want the tickets and anyway we will be live on air listening and step into tell him it's all prank. LADY: Ok,let's do this cause I really want d tickets. RADIO: Ok,where is he right now? LADY: He's at d office. His number is...(radio station calls the husband) LADY: Helo Love! HUSBAND: Hi Baby! LADY: How is work? HUSBAND: Gud,can't wait to get back home & make sweet luv 2u. LADY: Me too! But em...dia's something I need 2 tell you. HUSBAND: Ok I'm all ears dear! LADY: swt u kno dat i luv u isn't HUSBAND: Yes I do! LADY: And we promised 2 always be sincere 2 each oda? HUSBAND: Yes we did,u're startin 2 scare me dear,pls, wat is it? LADY: Something happened in my office Nine years ago. HUSBAND: what happened? LADY: The annual xmas party we had in d office 9yrs ago I got drunk&had sex wit a co- worker...em,u are not d father of our son, HUSBAND: What! Lady: I just felt u shld know HUSBAND: Are u crazy? LADY: I'm sori luv, 4give me, I jst needed 2 getit off my chest. HUSBAND: I can't believe dis. LADY: am sori luv,pls 4giv me. HUSBAND: You want 4givnes? Ok u av to 4giv dis,I have been sleepin with ur sista for d past5yrs. Even yestaday I went home at lunch and made passionate love to your sister. RADIO STATION: Oh God! LADY: What did u just say? HUSBAND: You heard me,we just confessed our sins to each other,Is there someone dia with you? RADIO STATION: Sir,dis is Power FM & u are onair.We asked ur wife to play a prank on u so uguys can get tickets to go watch the Nama live show dis weekend. HUSBAND: Oh shit!

PRANK
LADY: good morning Dj
RADIO STATION: Good morning,wat cn i do foru
LADY: Please,I'll like to get two tickets for the Nama Awards show this weekend
...
RADIO STATION: Well,you'll get the tickets for free only if you play a prank on someone on air&make them belive it.
LADY: That's ok
Radio station: Are you married? Do you have kids?
LADY: Yes,i hv gt 1
RADIO STATION: Gud,you will call your husband&tell him he is not d
father of ur son.
LADY: Wow,that's a big one.
RADIO STATION: Well it
depends on how bad you want the
tickets and anyway we will be live on air listening and step into tell him it's all prank.
LADY: Ok,let's do this cause I really want d tickets.
RADIO: Ok,where is he right now?
LADY: He's at d office. His number
is...(radio station calls the husband)
LADY: Helo Love!
HUSBAND: Hi Baby!
LADY: How is work?
HUSBAND: Gud,can't wait to get back home & make sweet luv 2u.
LADY: Me too! But em...dia's something I need 2 tell you.
HUSBAND: Ok I'm all ears dear!
LADY: swt u kno dat i luv u isn't
HUSBAND: Yes I do!
LADY: And we promised 2 always
be sincere 2 each oda?
HUSBAND: Yes we did,u're startin
2 scare me dear,pls, wat is it?
LADY: Something happened in my
office Nine years ago.
HUSBAND: what happened?
LADY: The annual xmas
party we had in d office 9yrs ago I
got drunk&had sex wit a co-
worker...em,u are not d father of
our son,
HUSBAND: What!
Lady: I just felt u shld know
HUSBAND: Are u crazy?
LADY: I'm sori luv, 4give me, I jst needed 2 getit off my chest.
HUSBAND: I can't believe dis.
LADY: am sori luv,pls 4giv me.
HUSBAND: You want 4givnes? Ok u av to 4giv dis,I have been sleepin with ur sista for d past5yrs. Even yestaday I went home at lunch and made passionate love to your sister.
RADIO STATION: Oh God!
LADY: What did u just say?
HUSBAND: You heard me,we just
confessed our sins to each
other,Is there someone dia with you?
RADIO STATION: Sir,dis is Power FM & u are onair.We asked ur wife to play a prank on u so uguys can get
tickets to go watch the Nama live
show dis weekend.
HUSBAND: Oh shit!

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

USEFULNESS OF MANGO!!!

Mango for memory? It turns out that Mangoes are excellent in improving the concentration of children and it also helps to improve their memory! Here are some other health benefits associated with the fruit we LOVE so much:

Mangoes Health Benefits

Improves Digestion
...
Mangoes are very much beneficial for people suffering from acidity and its enzymes helps to relieve indigestion problems. The Bio-active elements such as Esters, Terpenes and Aldehydes present in mango aids to easy digestion.

Lowers Cholesterol

High level of soluble dietary fiber, Pectin and Vitamin C present in mangoes helps to lower serum cholesterol levels specifically Low-Density Lipoprotein (LDL) Cholesterol.

For Better Sex

The Vitamin E which is abundantly present in mangoes helps to regulate sex hormones and boosts sex drive. In many varieties of mango there is about 2.3 to 3 mg of Vitamin E per mango.

Improves Concentration and Memory Power

Mangoes are useful to children who lack concentration in studies as it contains Glutamine acid which is good to boost memory and keep cells active.

For Treating Acne

Mango helps in clearing clogged pores that causes acne. Just slice the mango into very thin pieces and keep it on your face for 10 to 15 min and then take bath or wash your face. Use warm water for washing your face.

High Iron for Women

It’s a known fact that Mango is rich in Iron. People who suffer from anemia can regularly take mango along with their dinner. Generally women after menopause become weak and they should take mangoes and other fruits rich in iron. Pregnant ladies can also take mangoes occasionally as their body needs iron and calcium during that time. Too much consumption of mangoes should be avoided during pregnancy. If you have generally taken lots of mangoes right from your childhood then you can consume mangoes when you are pregnant as it wont affect your body.

For Diabetes

Mango is slowly gaining new acclaim as diabetes fighter. Earlier there was a myth that people with diabetes should not eat mangoes but that’s not true. Not only the fruit the leaves also fight against diabetes. Before going to bed put some 10 or 15 mango leaves in warm water and close it with lid. Next day morning filter the water and drink it in empty stomach. Do this regularly.

Prevents Cancer and Heart diseases

High amount of antioxidants are present in mangoes. So mango when consumed regularly fights against cancer and other heart diseases. As mentioned earlier it also lowers cholesterol.
See More

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

USE OF TOMATO AS A NATURAL REMEDY!!!!

Natural Home Remedies using Tomato

The tomato is truly an amazing fruit. It is known to have many health benefits such as reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, lower high blood pressure, and reducing the risk of cancer. Tomato is a good source of calcium and iron. It also contains some minerals such as phosphorus, sulphur and potassium needed in our body. As many would know, tomato is rich in Vitamin C. However, many would not know that the Vitamin C increases as the fruit ripens. Tomato also has some amounts of Vitamins A and B. Besides its health benefits and nutritional value, tomatoes are used as home remedies for minor ailments.

1) Diarrhea

If you're having diarrhea, try drinking the juice made by stirring the tomato paste from a dozen dried slices of tomato into a cup of water.

2) Bloodshot eyes

To relieve bloodshot eyes, eat 1 or 2 fresh tomatoes first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.

3) Face Peels

Tomato is excellent for purifying and rejuvenating your skin. Rub off the top layer of dead skin cells with the gentle help of tomatoes. Rub tomato slices directly onto your clean skin, focusing on areas with lots of blackheads. Tomatoes contain Vitamin C which has healing powers, and an acid which eliminates dead skin and unclogs pores, making skin soft and radiant.

4) Acne Scars

Slice up a tomato and place it on your face. Tomatoes are rich in Vitamin A that prevents overproduction of sebum that causes acne. Vitamin A also has antioxidant chracteristics that refreshes and renews scarred and damaged skin.

5) Dark circles under the eyes

Make a paste using 1 tsp tomato juice, 1/2 tsp lemon juice, a pinch of tumeric powder and a pinch of gram flour. Keep the paste under your eyes for 10 minutes. Dark circles will disappear after several treatments.

6) Sunburn

Soak peeled tomato slices in buttermilk before applying them directly on your sunburnt skin. The acidity closes up the pores and soothing agents present in tomatoes will relieve the pain.

7) Eczema

If you have a skin problem such as eczema and skin sensitivity to sunlight, try drinking tomato juice everyday. You will begin to see the difference after a few weeks.

8) Wounds and sores

Tribal medicine men often prescribed potions made from the leaves of wild tomatoes to heal wounds and sores. Take a slice of fresh tomato and place it on the wound. The infection will normally clear within 2-3 days.

9) Mouth ulcers

If you have mouth ulcers, gargle tomato juice 3-4 times a day.

10) Anemia

If you're anemic, drink a mixture of apple and tomato juice. The rich iron content in the tomato will help relieve your anemia.

11) Morning sickness

If you're suffering from morning sickness during your pregnancy, drink a glassful of fresh tomato juice, mixed with a pinch of salt and pepper early in the morning. It is considered to be an effective remedy for morning sickness.

12) Lose weight

Want to lose weight? Do you know that 100g of tomatoes contain only 20 calories? These calories are easily absorbed by the body. The low calorie content makes it a favorite of obese people and is often recommended in weight loss program as it provides you with some of the essential vitamins and minerals, fills your stomach and doesn't add calories to your body.

Tomato is also known to be able to treat other ailments such as urinary tract infection, night blindness, jaundice, liver disorders, indigestion, constipation, intestinal disorders and diabetes. It is a natural antioxidant, helping the body cleanse itself of toxic coumpounds. So, start using tomatoes as your natural home remedy for these ailments.

* We stress that you conduct your own research on these remedies, if only to corroborate or refute the data that we have posted here. Consult a trained Practitioner who will be better able to physically & spiritually guide you

Monday, 7 May 2012

SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mrs Prince was sure that Mr Prince - her husband was cheating on her and having an affair with the maid.
So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, Mr Prince gave the old story,
"excuse me my dear, my stomach aches".. And went to the bathroom.
... Mrs Prince promptly went into the maid's bed.
She switched the lights off.
When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said,
"you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?!".
And then switched on the light...
"No madam", said the gardener.

QUESTION!!!!!!!!!


The Lagos State Medical Doctors were on Strike.
A senior Doc was in a hurry to join his colleague in the protest while in the theatre on a patient, so he left Dr. Biggy - his male assistant in charge.
The senior doc came back & asked,
"How did u get on?"
Dr Biggy says,
... "I had 3 Patients. The 1st had a Headache so I give her Paracetamol"
"Good man" says the Senior Doc.
"The 2nd had Indigestion, so I gave her Gaviscon."
"Well done." said the senior Doc.
"The 3rd was a Young gorgeous woman who burst into d room, took off all her clothes & lay down on the table, spreads her legs and shouts,
'Please, please help me, I haven't seen a man in 5 years……...!'"
"Shiiit!!! What did you do?" asks the senior Doc.
Dr Biggy replies,
"I gave her Eyedrops !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"

MORE DAN ENOUGH SEXUAL SATISFACTION!!!


Mr Tobias - a farmer ordered a high tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly re...alized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallon."

WHO SMART PASS?

A married lady was going into an hotel with her boyfriend when she jam her husband coming out of that hotel with his girlfriend.
On sighting the husband, the lady immediately said,
"I don catch you today, thank God I brought awitness".
The man looked at her then turned to his girlfriend and said,
"Sister Mercy you see what I've told you. If we had left earlier we won't have caught her here

Madness pass madness


A psychiatrist wanted to know how many of his patients have been cured of madness, so he assembled them in a classroom and drew a big door on the board.
He then told the class that if anyone could open the door on the board, that person would receive a gift of N20,000 and would befree to go home.
On hearing this, they all rushed to the board to open the door, except one young man whoremained in hi...s seat at the back smiling.
The psychiatrist, with joy and excitement on his face seeing that somebody has been cured of madness, went to him and asked, why didn’t u join your mates to open the door?
The young man replied, no mind those mad people, they are just fooling themselves, dem no know say the key dey my pocket…