WHICH OF THESE ARE YOU??

NOW LET'S BE TOTALLY HONEST
(Which of these are you?)
DIFFERENT LEVELS OF FART
The Vain Person
One who loves the smell of his own farts.
The Amiable Person
One who loves the smell of other people's farts.
The Proud Person
One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.
The Shy Person
One who releases silent farts then blushes.
The Imprudent Person
One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.
The Unfortunate Person
One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead.
The Scientific Person
One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.
The Nervous Person
One who stops in the middle of a fart.
The Honest Person
One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.
The Dishonest Person
One who farts but blames the dog.
The Foolish Person
One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.
The Thrifty Person
One who always has several farts in reserve.
The Anti-Social Person
One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.
The Strategic Person
One who conceals his farts with loud coughing.
The Sadistic Person
One who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.
The Intelligent Person
One who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart, precisely the latest food itemsconsumed.

STOCK MARKET!!

Once upon a time in a village, a man appearedand announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10. The villagers seeing thatthere were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped theireffort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts o...f the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back totheir farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $100! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $75 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for $100 ." The villagers squeezedup with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!

AFRICANS!!

WHY AFRICANS ARE ALWAYS
TIRED… by the way its not
laziness, here is the reason;
….. ………………
For a couple of years many
Africans have been blaming
it on lack of sleep, too much
pressure from job, poor
blood circulation, but now
the real reason has been found: We’re tired because we’re
overworked. Here’s why:
The population of Africa is
one billion:
400 million are retired. That
leaves 600 million. There are 200 million in
school, which leaves 400
million to do the work. Of this, there are 100 million
employed by the
government, leaving 300
million to do the work. 50 Million are in the armed
forces & related jobs; which
leaves 250 million to do the
work. Take from the total the 150
million people unemployed.
And that leaves 100 million
to do the work. At any given time there are
50 Million people in
hospitals. Leaving 50 Million
to do the work. There are 20 Million people
in prisons. Leaving 30
million to do the work. 1 Million are Chiefs, Kings,
Queens, Presidents,
Ministers,pasto rs, Voodoo
or Juju Masters, leaving 29
Million to do the
work. Now, 28,999,998 Africans
are out of Africa . In
Europe, USA , Asia etc. That
leaves just 2
people to do all the work.
THESE TWO PEOPLE ARE You
and me…
………but you’re sitting
there on your chair, at your
computer Or 4n, reading these
useless facts instead of working…..……. That leaves one person,
ONLY ME, to do all the
work…. WILL YOU PLEASE CLOSE THIS
WINDOW OR LIV YO 4N AND GET BACK TO
WORK !!!!!!!!

MIND UR LANGUAGE!!

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an
American and a French, who found this small genie
bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him outof the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming
pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run
towards the pool and jump, you must shout what
you want the pool of water to become, and then
your wish will
come true." The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool,
jumped and shouted "Wine".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happy swimming and
drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "Vodka" and immersed himself
into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted,
"Beer". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the
pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
"Shit!!!!!!!... . .."

BRILLIANT!!

Aunty Susan was having a
problem with Fego in her class.
Fego said 'M'am, I should be in
SS3, Ï'm smarter than my
sister & she's in the SS3'.
Aunty Susan had heard
enough of Fego's complains &
took him to the Principal's
office.
She explained everything to
the Principal who decided 2
test Fego with some questions
that an SS3 Student should
know.
PRINCIPAL : What's 3+3?
FEGO : 6
PRINCIPAL : 6+6?
FEGO : 12 & so on..
The Principal asked Fego
many questions and he got
them right. The Principal then
asked Aunty Susan to send
Fego to SS3.
She decided to ask some more
questions & the Principal
agreed.
AUNTY SUSAN : What does a
cow have 4 of,that Ï've only 2
of?
FEGO : Legs!
AUNTY SUSAN : What's in ur
pants that u have but I dont
have?
FEGO : Pockets!
AUNTY SUSAN : What starts
with a C & ends with T, is hairy,
oval, delicious & contains thin
whitish liquid?
FEGO : Coconut!
AUNTY SUSAN : What goes in
hard & pink then comes out
soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes open
really wide,but b4 he could
stop the answer, Fego was
taking charge.
FEGO: Bubble Gum
AUNTY SUSAN : You stick ur
poles inside me. U tie me
down 2 get me up, I get wet
b4 u do. What am I?
FEGO : Tent!
The principal was looking
restless.
AUNTY SUSAN : A finger goes
in me. You fiddle with me
when u're bored. The best
man always has me what am
I?
FEGO : Wedding Ring
AUNTY SUSAN : I come in
many sizes. When Ï'm not
well, I drip. When u blow me,u
feel good?
FEGO : Nose
AUNTY SUSAN : I've a stiff
shaft. My tip penetrates,I
come with a quiver!
FEGO : Arrow!
AUNTY SUSAN : What starts wit
'F' & ends with a 'K' & if u dont
get it, u've 2 use ur hand?
FEGO :Fork!
AUNTY SUSAN : Whats it that
all men have,It's longer in
some men than others,the
Pope doesn't use his & a man
gives it 2 his wife after
marriage?
FEGO : Surname
AUNTY SUSAN : What part of
the man has no bone,But has
muscles with a lot of veins like
pumpin & is responsible 4
making love?
FEGO : Heart!
The principal breathed a sigh
of relief and told AUNTY
SUSAN : 'Send the boy to the
University, I got the last 10
questions wrong myself!..

MARRIAGE TYPE!!

Three couples marry and
stay at the same hotel for their
honeymoons, where they are taken care
of by Prof the bellboy.
The first man married a nurse.Prof thinks to
himself, "Nurses are known to be hot."
The second man married a telephone operator.
Prof thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have
sexy voices."
The third man married a school teacher. Prof
thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
The next morning, Prof reports to work and gets
a room service call from the nurse's husband. He
sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard
last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not
sanitary.'"
Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and
sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone
operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three
minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"
Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls
and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to
marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was
'We are going to do this over and over until we
get it right.'"

PRANKS!!PRANK LADY: good morning Dj RADIO STATION: Good morning,wat cn i do foru LADY: Please,I'll like to get two tickets for the Nama Awards show this weekend ... RADIO STATION: Well,you'll get the tickets for free only if you play a prank on someone on air&make them belive it. LADY: That's ok Radio station: Are you married? Do you have kids? LADY: Yes,i hv gt 1 RADIO STATION: Gud,you will call your husband&tell him he is not d father of ur son. LADY: Wow,that's a big one. RADIO STATION: Well it depends on how bad you want the tickets and anyway we will be live on air listening and step into tell him it's all prank. LADY: Ok,let's do this cause I really want d tickets. RADIO: Ok,where is he right now? LADY: He's at d office. His number is...(radio station calls the husband) LADY: Helo Love! HUSBAND: Hi Baby! LADY: How is work? HUSBAND: Gud,can't wait to get back home & make sweet luv 2u. LADY: Me too! But em...dia's something I need 2 tell you. HUSBAND: Ok I'm all ears dear! LADY: swt u kno dat i luv u isn't HUSBAND: Yes I do! LADY: And we promised 2 always be sincere 2 each oda? HUSBAND: Yes we did,u're startin 2 scare me dear,pls, wat is it? LADY: Something happened in my office Nine years ago. HUSBAND: what happened? LADY: The annual xmas party we had in d office 9yrs ago I got drunk&had sex wit a co- worker...em,u are not d father of our son, HUSBAND: What! Lady: I just felt u shld know HUSBAND: Are u crazy? LADY: I'm sori luv, 4give me, I jst needed 2 getit off my chest. HUSBAND: I can't believe dis. LADY: am sori luv,pls 4giv me. HUSBAND: You want 4givnes? Ok u av to 4giv dis,I have been sleepin with ur sista for d past5yrs. Even yestaday I went home at lunch and made passionate love to your sister. RADIO STATION: Oh God! LADY: What did u just say? HUSBAND: You heard me,we just confessed our sins to each other,Is there someone dia with you? RADIO STATION: Sir,dis is Power FM & u are onair.We asked ur wife to play a prank on u so uguys can get tickets to go watch the Nama live show dis weekend. HUSBAND: Oh shit!

PRANK
LADY: good morning Dj
RADIO STATION: Good morning,wat cn i do foru
LADY: Please,I'll like to get two tickets for the Nama Awards show this weekend
...
RADIO STATION: Well,you'll get the tickets for free only if you play a prank on someone on air&make them belive it.
LADY: That's ok
Radio station: Are you married? Do you have kids?
LADY: Yes,i hv gt 1
RADIO STATION: Gud,you will call your husband&tell him he is not d
father of ur son.
LADY: Wow,that's a big one.
RADIO STATION: Well it
depends on how bad you want the
tickets and anyway we will be live on air listening and step into tell him it's all prank.
LADY: Ok,let's do this cause I really want d tickets.
RADIO: Ok,where is he right now?
LADY: He's at d office. His number
is...(radio station calls the husband)
LADY: Helo Love!
HUSBAND: Hi Baby!
LADY: How is work?
HUSBAND: Gud,can't wait to get back home & make sweet luv 2u.
LADY: Me too! But em...dia's something I need 2 tell you.
HUSBAND: Ok I'm all ears dear!
LADY: swt u kno dat i luv u isn't
HUSBAND: Yes I do!
LADY: And we promised 2 always
be sincere 2 each oda?
HUSBAND: Yes we did,u're startin
2 scare me dear,pls, wat is it?
LADY: Something happened in my
office Nine years ago.
HUSBAND: what happened?
LADY: The annual xmas
party we had in d office 9yrs ago I
got drunk&had sex wit a co-
worker...em,u are not d father of
our son,
HUSBAND: What!
Lady: I just felt u shld know
HUSBAND: Are u crazy?
LADY: I'm sori luv, 4give me, I jst needed 2 getit off my chest.
HUSBAND: I can't believe dis.
LADY: am sori luv,pls 4giv me.
HUSBAND: You want 4givnes? Ok u av to 4giv dis,I have been sleepin with ur sista for d past5yrs. Even yestaday I went home at lunch and made passionate love to your sister.
RADIO STATION: Oh God!
LADY: What did u just say?
HUSBAND: You heard me,we just
confessed our sins to each
other,Is there someone dia with you?
RADIO STATION: Sir,dis is Power FM & u are onair.We asked ur wife to play a prank on u so uguys can get
tickets to go watch the Nama live
show dis weekend.
HUSBAND: Oh shit!

USEFULNESS OF MANGO!!!

Mango for memory? It turns out that Mangoes are excellent in improving the concentration of children and it also helps to improve their memory! Here are some other health benefits associated with the fruit we LOVE so much:

Mangoes Health Benefits

Improves Digestion
...
Mangoes are very much beneficial for people suffering from acidity and its enzymes helps to relieve indigestion problems. The Bio-active elements such as Esters, Terpenes and Aldehydes present in mango aids to easy digestion.

Lowers Cholesterol

High level of soluble dietary fiber, Pectin and Vitamin C present in mangoes helps to lower serum cholesterol levels specifically Low-Density Lipoprotein (LDL) Cholesterol.

For Better Sex

The Vitamin E which is abundantly present in mangoes helps to regulate sex hormones and boosts sex drive. In many varieties of mango there is about 2.3 to 3 mg of Vitamin E per mango.

Improves Concentration and Memory Power

Mangoes are useful to children who lack concentration in studies as it contains Glutamine acid which is good to boost memory and keep cells active.

For Treating Acne

Mango helps in clearing clogged pores that causes acne. Just slice the mango into very thin pieces and keep it on your face for 10 to 15 min and then take bath or wash your face. Use warm water for washing your face.

High Iron for Women

It’s a known fact that Mango is rich in Iron. People who suffer from anemia can regularly take mango along with their dinner. Generally women after menopause become weak and they should take mangoes and other fruits rich in iron. Pregnant ladies can also take mangoes occasionally as their body needs iron and calcium during that time. Too much consumption of mangoes should be avoided during pregnancy. If you have generally taken lots of mangoes right from your childhood then you can consume mangoes when you are pregnant as it wont affect your body.

For Diabetes

Mango is slowly gaining new acclaim as diabetes fighter. Earlier there was a myth that people with diabetes should not eat mangoes but that’s not true. Not only the fruit the leaves also fight against diabetes. Before going to bed put some 10 or 15 mango leaves in warm water and close it with lid. Next day morning filter the water and drink it in empty stomach. Do this regularly.

Prevents Cancer and Heart diseases

High amount of antioxidants are present in mangoes. So mango when consumed regularly fights against cancer and other heart diseases. As mentioned earlier it also lowers cholesterol.See More

USE OF TOMATO AS A NATURAL REMEDY!!!!

Natural Home Remedies using Tomato

The tomato is truly an amazing fruit. It is known to have many health benefits such as reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, lower high blood pressure, and reducing the risk of cancer. Tomato is a good source of calcium and iron. It also contains some minerals such as phosphorus, sulphur and potassium needed in our body. As many would know, tomato is rich in Vitamin C. However, many would not know that the Vitamin C increases as the fruit ripens. Tomato also has some amounts of Vitamins A and B. Besides its health benefits and nutritional value, tomatoes are used as home remedies for minor ailments.

1) Diarrhea

If you're having diarrhea, try drinking the juice made by stirring the tomato paste from a dozen dried slices of tomato into a cup of water.

2) Bloodshot eyes

To relieve bloodshot eyes, eat 1 or 2 fresh tomatoes first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.

3) Face Peels

Tomato is excellent for purifying and rejuvenating your skin. Rub off the top layer of dead skin cells with the gentle help of tomatoes. Rub tomato slices directly onto your clean skin, focusing on areas with lots of blackheads. Tomatoes contain Vitamin C which has healing powers, and an acid which eliminates dead skin and unclogs pores, making skin soft and radiant.

4) Acne Scars

Slice up a tomato and place it on your face. Tomatoes are rich in Vitamin A that prevents overproduction of sebum that causes acne. Vitamin A also has antioxidant chracteristics that refreshes and renews scarred and damaged skin.

5) Dark circles under the eyes

Make a paste using 1 tsp tomato juice, 1/2 tsp lemon juice, a pinch of tumeric powder and a pinch of gram flour. Keep the paste under your eyes for 10 minutes. Dark circles will disappear after several treatments.

6) Sunburn

Soak peeled tomato slices in buttermilk before applying them directly on your sunburnt skin. The acidity closes up the pores and soothing agents present in tomatoes will relieve the pain.

7) Eczema

If you have a skin problem such as eczema and skin sensitivity to sunlight, try drinking tomato juice everyday. You will begin to see the difference after a few weeks.

8) Wounds and sores

Tribal medicine men often prescribed potions made from the leaves of wild tomatoes to heal wounds and sores. Take a slice of fresh tomato and place it on the wound. The infection will normally clear within 2-3 days.

9) Mouth ulcers

If you have mouth ulcers, gargle tomato juice 3-4 times a day.

10) Anemia

If you're anemic, drink a mixture of apple and tomato juice. The rich iron content in the tomato will help relieve your anemia.

11) Morning sickness

If you're suffering from morning sickness during your pregnancy, drink a glassful of fresh tomato juice, mixed with a pinch of salt and pepper early in the morning. It is considered to be an effective remedy for morning sickness.

12) Lose weight

Want to lose weight? Do you know that 100g of tomatoes contain only 20 calories? These calories are easily absorbed by the body. The low calorie content makes it a favorite of obese people and is often recommended in weight loss program as it provides you with some of the essential vitamins and minerals, fills your stomach and doesn't add calories to your body.

Tomato is also known to be able to treat other ailments such as urinary tract infection, night blindness, jaundice, liver disorders, indigestion, constipation, intestinal disorders and diabetes. It is a natural antioxidant, helping the body cleanse itself of toxic coumpounds. So, start using tomatoes as your natural home remedy for these ailments.

* We stress that you conduct your own research on these remedies, if only to corroborate or refute the data that we have posted here. Consult a trained Practitioner who will be better able to physically & spiritually guide you

SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrs Prince was sure that Mr Prince - her husband was cheating on her and having an affair with the maid.
So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, Mr Prince gave the old story,
"excuse me my dear, my stomach aches".. And went to the bathroom.
... Mrs Prince promptly went into the maid's bed.
She switched the lights off.
When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said,
"you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?!".
And then switched on the light...
"No madam", said the gardener.

QUESTION!!!!!!!!!

The Lagos State Medical Doctors were on Strike.
A senior Doc was in a hurry to join his colleague in the protest while in the theatre on a patient, so he left Dr. Biggy - his male assistant in charge.
The senior doc came back & asked,
"How did u get on?"
Dr Biggy says,
... "I had 3 Patients. The 1st had a Headache so I give her Paracetamol"
"Good man" says the Senior Doc.
"The 2nd had Indigestion, so I gave her Gaviscon."
"Well done." said the senior Doc.
"The 3rd was a Young gorgeous woman who burst into d room, took off all her clothes & lay down on the table, spreads her legs and shouts,
'Please, please help me, I haven't seen a man in 5 years……...!'"
"Shiiit!!! What did you do?" asks the senior Doc.
Dr Biggy replies,
"I gave her Eyedrops !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"

MORE DAN ENOUGH SEXUAL SATISFACTION!!!

Mr Tobias - a farmer ordered a high tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly re...alized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallon."

WHO SMART PASS?

A married lady was going into an hotel with her boyfriend when she jam her husband coming out of that hotel with his girlfriend.
On sighting the husband, the lady immediately said,
"I don catch you today, thank God I brought awitness".
The man looked at her then turned to his girlfriend and said,
"Sister Mercy you see what I've told you. If we had left earlier we won't have caught her here

Madness pass madness

A psychiatrist wanted to know how many of his patients have been cured of madness, so he assembled them in a classroom and drew a big door on the board.
He then told the class that if anyone could open the door on the board, that person would receive a gift of N20,000 and would befree to go home.
On hearing this, they all rushed to the board to open the door, except one young man whoremained in hi...s seat at the back smiling.
The psychiatrist, with joy and excitement on his face seeing that somebody has been cured of madness, went to him and asked, why didn’t u join your mates to open the door?
The young man replied, no mind those mad people, they are just fooling themselves, dem no know say the key dey my pocket…

HELP FROM THE UNEXPECTED!!

Touching story.
It was about eight o’clock p.m when her son who was asthmatic developed some complications. He had to be rushed to the nearest hospital about 1km away or else it would be fatal. She called a neighbor who had a car but the neighbor said the car had no fuel;she called the pastor, who said he had visiting pastors from USA and could not leave them alone. She decided to carry the son to... the hospital; she could not imagine loosing her only child with the same sickness that a few months earlier had killed the husband. She had a problem with her leg and could not move fast enough and the son was also heavy for her to move faster. Along the way she met people rushing home from work who just stared at her. She tried to beg them for help but they ignored her. She also tried to stop passin...g vehicles but they never responded. She fell many times but she had to keep moving. Then a man who was mad and used to roam the streets naked noticed her. He came running towards her and took the son from her. She could not talk but just pointed the direction of the hospital. The crazy naked man could understand perfectly well what she meant since he saw the desperate boy struggling for breath. He put him on the shoulder and told the woman “all will be well” as he ran towards the hospital. The doctors on seeing the crazy man knew something was really wrong and attended to the boy immediately. Ten minutes later the mother arrived and the doctor broke the news “if he was brought five minutes later than that he would have died” The mad man is long dead and the woman too died some years back but the boy now a man today owns one of the biggest private hospitals. The hospital offers free asthma treatments. God doesn’t have to use Bishops, Pastors, politicians and rich people with cars, to rescue or bless you. No matter what may come your way, no matter what you are going through, your life is in his hands and I know you will make it. For there’s a friend in God who will wipe away ur tears

LOL!!!!!!

A nun with big boobs entered a bus. She has a rosary around her neck with the cross hanging btw her boobs. The guy beside her couldnt help starring. Knowing the guy has been starring at her for over 15 mins, she asked: "Are you looking at Jesus Christ who died for you on the cross?" The guy replied: "No!!!!! I am actually looking at the 2 thieves beside him!!!!!!!!!

If na me, i for give am "Azonto". So the boobs could also be referred as "The two thieves"!!!!!! lol

SHAKARA!!!

A boy said to a girl: "I can make you say "I LOVE YOU"
Girl: No way!, u cant do that.
Boy: Lets bet
Girl: Alright
Boy: ok, Lets start. Say Red
Girl: Red
Boy: Say Green
Girl: Green
Boy: Say Love
Girl: Love
Boy: What is 1+1?
Girl: 2
Boy: What is your age?
Girl: 20
Boy: Hahahahahahahaa! I told you i could make u say 20
Girl: No!!!!!!!! You said you could make me say "I LOVE YOU"
Boy: Yes!!!!! I jst did cos u jst said it...
Girl: (Shy!!!!!!!)

BE CAREFUL, A KID COULD PICK IT UP!!!!

A woman was passing by and saw two kids blowing what seemed like a ballon from a distance but at a closer look, she discovered it was indeed a used condom. She got angry with the kids, collected and discarded the disgusting thing. After spanking the kids, she then walked away.
The older of the two in a bid to console the youger said "DONT MIND HER, LET HER GO WITH IT AFTER ALL WE'VE DRANK ALL THE MILK"..

U could imagine how many innocent kids suffer for the carelessness of our present day adult!!!!!!
Lets be more careful!!!!!!! plsssssssssssssssssss...

TRADES & WISHES COULD BE UNFAVOURABLE!!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed:-

"Dear Lord, i go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies". God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened his kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home .......... picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills.

He drove to the electricity company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuuum dust, sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home which he had to sort out in a gentle 'motherly' fashion. He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organised to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and was able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing. By then it was 4:30pm, so he began peeling potatoes and washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for an early dinner.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although his chores weren't finished for the day, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaining. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:-

"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, O please, let us trade back!"

The lord in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait 9 months though, because you got pregnant last night!!!"


Learn your lessons pple & try not to be envious or make silly wishes...

HOW FUNNY RICH HOMES COULD BE..

Rich people no go kill me o. I went with a friend to visit a very rich family. The maid approached me and..... see me see trouble oooo.

Question: What would you like to have? fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino or coffee?
Answer: Tea please.
Question: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, bush tea, honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylon tea please.
Question: How would you like it? black or white?
Answer: White
Question: Milk or fresh cream?
Answer: With milk.
Question: Goat milk or Cow milk?
Answer: With cow milk please.
Question: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer: Umm. I think i would just take the freezeland cow.
Question: Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer: With sugar.
Question: Bee sugar or cane sugar?
Answer: Cane sugar.
Question:White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer: Oya, forget about the tea. Just give me a glass of water instead.
Question: Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?
Answer: Mineral water.
Question: Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer: Mtscheeew. Infact, give me an empty glass.
Question: Tumbler, wine glass, goblet, champagne flute or beer mug?
Answer: Abeg, i think i'll just swallow my saliva!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which kin wahala be dis?
I'v actually lost more strength in questions and answers than d way i came... mtscheeeeeeeeew!!!!!!!!!!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT SEASON 1

Lessons to learn in life season 1

• Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
• Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
• Dont believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
• When you say "I love you", mean it.
• When you say "I am sorry", look the person in the eye.
• Be engaged at least six (6) months before you get married.
• Believe in love at first sight.
• Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who dont have dreams don't have much.
• Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
• In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling
• Don't judge people by their relatives.
• Talk slowly but think quickly.
• When someone asks you a question you dont want to answer, smile and ask, "why do you want to know?"
• Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
• Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
• When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
• Remember the 3 R's- Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
• Dont let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
• When you realize you have made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
• Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
• Spend some time alone.